Power and Greed

It’s approximately 10:30 at night, and late at night is often the time that I find I am able to process important information the most.  Over the years, I have tried various methods to shutting off my brain, and to stop being an over thinker.  In recent years, there has only been one way that has helped me resolve shutting it all off and given me the ability to truly process information.  Writing.  Now, I am definitely not a writer, and I don’t foresee myself becoming some famous writer; however, getting my words out onto paper allows me to release all of my thoughts.  I was reminded not long ago that this was something I did when I was growing up.  I always had a journal of some sort.  I was never consistent with writing in it, but I did write a lot of things going on in my life in my journals.  I wish I still had those journals to reflect back on and see how my perspective on life has changed. 

I’m going to take it back to my childhood with this post.  Memories that I am positive were at some point written about within my journals growing up.  When I was in first grade, the family home that we lived in, and the one that my maternal grandfather had built burnt to the ground.  It left my mom, dad, two brothers, maternal grandmother, and I all without a home.  My first thought when I found out my house had burnt was “Oh no! My Rumpelstiltskin book!”  I don’t know why that memory is so vivid in my mind.  I loved that book!  If you haven’t read the fairy tale, do so.  It has a great theme.  It is mainly about power and greed.  I have often wondered since being an adult, why?  Why was Rumpelstiltskin one of my favorite fairy tales?  It wasn’t the story of a princess that had her happily ever after romance.  My favorite story was related to learning how power and greed could cost someone all the things that he/she loved in life.  As I write this current post, I am still processing the why.  I believe I’ve came to the conclusion.

Over the years I have been brought back to the story of Rumpelstiltskin many times.  I married at a young age, had children at a young age, and did all the things a little backwards.  Stability in life was difficult for many years.  At one point, I was blessed to be a stay at home mom to my three amazing children.  I was the picture of a “soccer mom.”  My ex-husband was a coach for all sports.  I was the team mom.  I could design team fan gear, uniforms, find tournaments, keep track of team expenses, organize after game treats….you know, all the things that are essential for keeping teams going.  I lived and breathed anything sports for my son.  With my girls, I was the dance mom that was always on the go.  The volleyball momma that loved watching all of the successes that my daughter had on the court.  I didn’t miss a single game.  The kids’ dad had a wonderful career.  He didn’t spend a day in college, but business came natural to him.  He was gifted with the ability to talk to anyone, and the ability to turn straw into gold.  He quickly moved up in the ranks of the company that he worked for, and eventually he ran four different stores with 150+ employees underneath him.  He was gifted to say the least.

I would often question why his employees had such terrible attitudes towards me.  I was always kind to each and every one of them.  I stayed my distance most often, as I have always had walls.   I tried to never get close to any of his employees or their wives.  There were a few that I had what I thought were good relationships with, but when it came down to it, I was still “the boss’ wife.”  My ex would often come home and let out his day to me, as I understood his business.  It took me years to overcome the feeling of wondering why people were so judgmental and could be so irrational at times.  I struggled with the thought of always having to be the so called bad guy.  After several years, I realized that it was due to the position that my ex-husband held.  He was the boss.  They were the employees.  There were often hurt feelings if someone didn’t get the promotion that he thought he deserved, or if my ex handled a situation differently than one of his employees thought he should have handled it.  For many years I had to listen to all of the negative that came along with the position.  I became the wife of the boss.  I was never seen for myself, and who I was as a person was shoved behind a man that didn’t even know who I was even though we had spent many years together.  Why are all of these details important to this post?

You see, because my ex was a completely humble guy.  I never saw his attitude change with a single penny that he made for our family.  He went from making pennies to thousands in what seemed like overnight.  For years, the kids and I didn’t see him a lot due to the amount of work that he put in towards his stores.  He would work hours and hours each week building the businesses.  I always saw a man that was entirely dedicated to his job.  But at some point, something changed within him.  What I always saw as his drive to be successful was gone.  Greed and power started becoming a reality to me.  I could see that his attitude had started changing.  I lived in denial for quite some time.  I didn’t want to believe that he could allow his personality to change so drastically.  I started seeing the family guy turn into a guy that never spent time with his family.  Late nights, extravagant spends, gambling, all the things that make it so easy to break a person down.  There were many times that I would get threatened with divorce, taking my kids from me, etc all because my income was an eighth of what he earned in a year.  He thought that money was power, and he used that power against me for many, many years.

Growing up, my parents truly lived a paycheck to paycheck life.  They never had money to fall back on if they needed to.  I lived a simple life my entire childhood, and even my early years as an adult.  I was raised to believe that all things come from hard work and from God.  God had truly blessed my family, and my ex allowed power and greed to get in the way of his life.  Now, I can look back at that favorite fairy tale that I had when I was just a young child.  As an adult, I am able to process it on a much deeper level.  In Proverbs 1:19 it states, “So are the ways of everyone who is greedy for gain; It takes away the life of its owners.”  I’ve witnessed life being stripped away from someone due to allowing power and greed to become a way of life.  Greed will often give a person satisfaction, but at the end of the day, that person is never satisfied.  Greed steals from life’s greater joys.  God wants His children to be humble.  He wants us to give from our hearts without reluctance and be cheerful givers.  My point friends is to live humbly and have cheerful hearts.  Don’t allow your titles, wealth, or any other thing to get in the way of what the Lord has taught us to do. 

Much Love,

Jessica