The Year of Firsts

We all have moments in our lives that stand out as considerable milestones.  The first day on a job. The first day of college.  First kiss.  Birth of the first child. There are many firsts in life.  What I didn’t realize though, that with any transition in life comes a new set of firsts.  My major transition in life the last year has been my divorce.  I didn’t realize how many firsts would come with it.  Since being post-divorced, I have experienced many firsts already, and I know there are many more to come.  These milestones are greatly important into making me a better, stronger, and more independent woman than I already am.  My friends would tell me, “Jessica, this is your year of firsts.”  I didn’t truly understand what that meant until I started experiencing them.

My separation happened at a difficult time for any family.  During the holidays.  The first “first” that I experienced was prior to my divorce being final.  It was the first holiday without my husband.  Growing up in the south, and not having family in Iowa with me, my holidays have always been surrounded by my husband and his family.  They weren’t just my in-laws.  They were my family.  They became part of me at a very early age in my life, and I never anticipated losing them along with my divorce.  Yes, divorcing my husband was one thing, but I didn’t want to divorce the entire family.  Then, in rolls Christmas.  My favorite holiday of the year.  The one that is about Christ, His love, and is meant for family.  We did our best to put together a decent Christmas for our children, but it wasn’t the same.  The husband came over around 10:30 in the morning.  I cooked our traditional Christmas meal.  We did gifts, and watched a few television shows.  My husband left, and the kids and I went to dinner with my father in law and mother in law at Ihop.  I am thankful that one set of my in-laws took time out of their Christmas to spend with the kids and I.  They are the ones that have truly stuck by my side through the transition in both my life and their son’s life.  To know love is to be loved, and I know that they love me.  The first holiday was difficult, and it made me realize that creating new traditions with my children are simply one of the most important details of this new season in my post-divorced life.

Another first post-divorce is house shopping as a single woman.  WOW!  Let me just say that it can be an extremely stressful and difficult process.  I have never been a very financially perceptive person, but I had to learn quickly about finances, budgeting, expenses, investing, all of the things that goes with being financially successful.  I knew that I wanted to buy a home because it just financially made more sense to invest into something for myself, my future, and for my children.  After lots of searching, I found the home that I fell in love with, and I am looking forward to moving day.  I know that day is going to be difficult as I say my final goodbye to the home that I once shared with my ex-husband.  At the same time, this day cannot come fast enough.  I’m looking forward to putting the final closure on that part of my life.  Oh, and to my closest friends and family, expect a big party once I have the basement construction finished and my home in order.  I’m ready to create new and amazing memories in my new home.

One of the most difficult post-divorce firsts was the first time that I said “my ex-husband.” It just seemed extremely odd to be saying the word ex. I never saw myself becoming a divorced woman. Nor did I ever anticipate using the word ex-husband. I still catch myself saying husband occasionally. It is just habit. I still refer to his parents as my in-laws. I believe I will do this for a very long time. They were a large part of my life for almost 20 years. It’s difficult to change verbiage because of a divorce. It doesn’t just happen overnight. Another first was being asked at the doctor’s office if I was married. Umm…no, but I had to catch myself. Natural instinct for me was to say yes. I was a married woman for over 16 years. Oh, and that first time I went out of the house without my wedding ring. Several times throughout the day I had that “Oh, crap!” moment as I thought I had lost my ring. I must admit, I carried my wedding ring with me for a while in my purse. The day I finally took my ring and put it away in a secure place my heart felt at peace. I wasn’t able to do that until the divorce was final. I always knew that the divorce was the best possible scenario for my life, but it was hard to lock the ring up that I wore for 16 years. Now I wonder, do I keep the ring for my daughters, or should I take that ring and make it into another nice piece of jewelry for myself?

I can look back at some of these “first” experiences and giggle a little now.  Truthfully, there wasn’t a giggle when I was experiencing them.  It was a realization to me that I was in a brand new season of life.  This new season of life that I have learned to embrace.  It’s amazing to look back on memories, and to plan my future.  We all learn from our past.  I know the direction I want my life to go, and Ms. Planner over here has a major life map planned out for my current and future life.  I can plan my future, but the truth is God will lead it.  He will show me the direction that my life should go at every turn. 

I have experienced many more firsts post-divorce, but I’m going to save those for a different post.  This new season of my life has given me the opportunity to truly know who I am as a person.  The season of firsts isn’t quite over for me, but what I do know is that I have learned how to embrace all of these new milestones in my life.  God has blessed me with an amazing post-divorce life.  He has opened my eyes to a new happy.  He has given me strength.  He has healed me.  God is so GOOD!  When I say I love who I am now, I mean every ounce of it.  God has empowered me for this amazing season of my life.  I feel thankful, grateful, and completely blessed.

Much Love,

Jessica

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